What is Courting for a Fulltime Worker

 

Love Honor Respect

I always love having conversation, lively conversation; I look at it as a great exercise of the mind, stimulating you to think more, process thoughts and assess it with how you live your life. I was privileged to have a very wonderful conversation with a fellow missionary and we come to a point of sharing thoughts on courting. Well, love life seems to occupy a big part of a teenage life, and since I’m serving in a youth ministry, it sounds lively to me. Then a question was asked, what is courting for a Fulltime Worker?

First of all, courting is unique. Not a single one has the same style of courting. You can even ask those who are married already, for a billion people of the world, no love story is the same. I think that’s a great affirmation of a God who loves variety and randomness. I could just imagine how boring it is, if everything is predictable.

Love is the character of God and so we can always point to God if we look for a guide on how to love. Courting being part and parcel of it, has to be patterned on a Christian loving. What is correct courting? What is wrong courting? You know, it’s so easy to put on lists of do’s and don’ts, but it does not work that way, as unique as love is, so does the application of it. I would say there are no specific do’s and don’ts of courting, though I firmly believe that we can set a parameter where an environment of Christian love can flourish in that process. In so doing, creativity is not compromised but within the bounds of what love is, as God wants it to be. Creativity, by the way, is a product of an immense love. God loves us so much that he creatively made us, beautifully molded and patiently guided. Creativity has to be there in courting, not to be stifled with the likes of do’s and don’ts, after all, true love liberates. I call it Christian Creativity.

What then are the parameters? I would say love, honor and respect. There is in fulltime work an unwritten rule that says, no courting for at least two years after your fulltime training. I find it very hard to understand before. But in my almost 9 years of fulltime work, and seeing fulltime workers including myself, dealing with it, I can fully say, there is wisdom behind it. One, it actually protects us from unnecessary pain that it may cause. Second, it allows us to grow more focused on the Lord, who after all is the greatest lover of all. And third, it allows us to achieve a balance from our demanding work schedule. But I see it beyond numbers, I see it not so much as counting days or years, but as an underlying principle on how mature we can take on relationships, two years, being such a flexible yet reasonable guide. I would say, in general, it takes us at least two years, to fully grasp the fullness of the mission work of a fulltime worker. Only fulltime worker may know this. You may believe it or not, but the mission that you entered requires a big amount of commitment and it means sacrifice, let me say, beautiful sacrifice, because it makes you more beautiful as a person. A person of discipline and self-control, as what St. Paul’s exhorts Timothy in 2Tim 1:7, “For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice but rather of power and love and self-control.” I believe this is a wonderful pre requisite of a person, wanting to court someone. He must be prepared himself first. Fulltime work is not a joke! And so is serving in different levels of community life.  He must be ready of hurts and pains that love entails and not just imagining the joy and the exhilaration of yeses. After all, the ultimate goal of loving can crucify you a thousand times. In your daily journey in life, are you ready to see the bad things, weaknesses and reality of the person you love or you just see the good things, the strength and facade of the other? Isn’t it what love is? To be crucified like Him!

So then, if we say we are ready, how can I love, honor and respect in courting? We set a parameter where courtship can take place in the context of God’s love and where man and woman can have an environment where they can know each other more, in the spirit of love, honor and respect for one another.

How can I love a woman? By allowing her to be herself, the way she is, a woman, who has all the potentials in the world. Like flower that is still to bloom, taking care of her and loving her with pureness of intention. A real man looks at women as meaningful pursuits rather than disposable objects. How can I honor a woman? By being responsible of my actions, and by being responsible of my actions means enrolling the family of the woman in my courting by asking their permission, that’s the highest honor and respect I could give to the family and sure of accountability of my actions. How can I respect a woman? By accepting her response with a grateful heart, especially if the answer is no. If yes, then I thank the Lord for the gift. If no, then I’ll be grateful to the Lord for the experience of it, for courting is blessing in itself.

How can you love a man? By being honest, honest with what you feel. Don’t go around the bush; tell him directly and in a clear way. Playing with emotions is a lethal game! If no, then let it be a no. Don’t give false hopes, false hope kills. No man, in his right mind, will continue pursue a hopeless case, unless he sees a flicker of light.  If yes, then let it be a yes, a resounding yes, and doubtless yes! How can you honor a man? By not manipulating him into something that will just lead to ruin and hurts for one another, for there is always a tendency for manipulation. A woman can influence man, they say, women have the power to influence or manipulate, but love does not manipulate. Lead him instead to love God more, for a real man loves God above all. By not manipulating him, you are honoring him, because he showed the pureness of intention. How can you respect a man? By allowing him to do his own way of courting, his own style, and allowing him to be who he is and not expecting him to be whom he cannot be than himself, in this way you will know the real him.

It is never wrong to love. Love is of God. But, do we love like God?

You can also read: Real Love Waits and Flirting with Pain

by aats

Just a disclaimer, I'm writing this, not with a self righteous heart, but with a heart that fully recognizes my own shortcomings in all areas of my life as a fulltime worker. So, in saying that, I am journeying and learning, and definitely also a work in progress. Praise God!